WEEK 6 - Reflection

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    My grandmother wanted me to become “God-fearing” and faithful like her. When I was younger, she took me to every block rosary, novena, and prayer meeting that she attended. We also went to church every Sunday, whether it be at 6 AM in the morning or 6 PM in the evening. Because of it, I was able to memorize most of my grandmother’s prayers and all the worship songs we sang at times. She was even proud that I was able to lead the rosary at a young age and participate in their prayer meetings. I tried to be like her, pray like her, because I saw that God always answers her prayers, and I thought that maybe, He will listen to me too. However, as I grew older, I still have not found a connection with God.

    Watching the video, I saw that Kevin and I were similar. I had also felt this emptiness, the need to be satisfied. This is one of the factors that caused me to evaluate why there is a need to believe in a God. As I started to learn more about the world we live in, I started to become skeptic about God. I have questions about Him, that are still yet to be answered. I still ask myself the question, if He created everything in this universe, then who created God? Unable to find answers, I started to think that people just use God as an excuse to justify all the unexplainable things in this universe.

    Just the other day, my mom asked me if I still believe that there is a God and I told her, I was still unsure if I still do. I kept on giving her my reasons to why I am starting to become skeptic about believing in Him but still, she told me that my reasons are just the small factors that are affecting me. I told her that some of the factors why I think I am becoming more distant to God are also the people who worship Him. I think that it is weird that some believers are hypocrites, the way they spread the word of God to combat all the “sinners” such as those who are part of the LGBTQIA+ community, are also the ones who are spreading hate. If God were loving and forgiving, why would His people be the opposite of Him? This just adds to why I find it weird that most people only praise God when something good happens to them, while they blame the “devil” whenever they do something bad. I think that you should not depend on religion to cover up your actions, one should be held accountable for their own wrongdoings as they have their free will – to do good or not. Another reason is that I do not like being forced to pray to God by others because I think that I should be able to pray on my own, even without the long prayers that my grandmother recites. Because of these instances, it felt like if I were to believe in God, then I would also be a part of these people, and I did not really want that. So, slowly, it felt like I was becoming more distant to the thought of connecting with Him.

    Going back to the video, I got inspired by Kevin and Apple, not because they became followers of a religion, but because they had finally found their inner peace. I think that spirituality is not always about believing in a religion, because it is more personal as it is the journey to finding the peace we are looking for, with or without religion. Even before, I felt that religions bring more division in communities rather than connecting them, and that it is a little restrictive because of the traditions they have established. After watching the video, I was motivated to become more open-minded to find the inner peace I have been looking for. I admire the people who are like Kevin and Apple, and I hope that someday I will also find my own faith, may it be with God or not, without anyone forcing me.

SCORE: 19/20

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